Texts and declarations from left-field

My laziness and lack of blogging could only be due to one thing…

Sweet distraction: Damn you Amalfi Coast for making me remember how awesome you are in summer!

However, the online dating scene yet again has worn me down – Was this just not inevitable? Somebody please prove to me Italian men are NOT full of it. It’s a tragedy to think all this prime grade A beef is rancid.

After a day at a local beach, my visiting homegirl Janiece and I nominated this gent for The Amalfi Coast’s Hottest Ass.
(According to my pals, he had been watching me on the beach for about 2 hours until he left. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t ask me for my number? Like I would say NO?)

Overall, perhaps I am just not receptive to empty compliments and emotional declarations based on nothing, stemming from people completely foreign to me, and that I have never so much as met in person.  Maybe this makes me cold by comparison to the female demographic here, I can’t really say. Ital women – who knows what’s in their heads? Do they swoon? Are their eyes on permanent ‘auto-pilot roll’?

Lately, I have had far less communication with ‘The Legionairre.’ He was coming on a little too strong for for a complete stranger, and I started noticing a rise in the bullshit level  (that’s putting it politely)… Another one bites the dust… NEXT!

A few days ago I deleted all contact info for Mr. Clark Kent. Therefore there would be no further temptation to for me to send any cordial salutations in the name of ‘friendship.’ My attempts have thus far been well-intended, honest and sincere with no strings or expectations attached. I am still confident that he only messaged me a few weeks ago because he spotted me with the awesome ‘Traveler,’ but regardless  –  I get the feeling CK thinks he is too good for me. Therefore I now sing to the tune of:  “la-la-la go find your materialistic, milqutoast, arm-candy Italian princess, I am so over it, la-la-la!”  But wouldn’t you know I heard from him again via text, asking me – first, how the weather was in my zone (as he was in Rome)… then intermittently quizzing me on how to select quality Maple syrup. YEAH WHATEVER. Interesting timing considering I was also heavy relay-texting with someone else, someone NEW…

Not long ago I posted a new profile photo on my Facebook page, I also posted the same photo here in a recent post. It was nothing special – just me, no make up, in a 7$ cowboy hat and a pair of sunglasses. Most of my friends ‘liked’ this photo… especially the dudes. It must have been the hat.

A couple of days later I got a FB email message about it from ‘Atlas.’
One simple phrase…
“Oh my god Cakes.”

I wasn’t exactly sure how to take that. It could have meant several things…

Oh my god Cakes what a stupid hat!
Oh my god Cakes can I have the name of the dentist that whitened your teeth?!
Oh my god Cakes I can’t believe how ordinary you look without make-up!
Oh my god Cakes I just got a boner looking at that photo! (Yeah right!)

I met Atlas, (a former professional body builder that now works independently in animal rescue) only once at Franca’s during  a Sunday lunch she was having for some friends back in early May. She mentioned him previously last winter, and that I should meet him – as he was a rescue volunteer and very single – or at least add him as a friend on FB as had I already added several other animal rescue volunteers from the area to my FB peanut gallery.

However upon meeting him, I found him surprisingly ‘metro-sexual’ for a animal rescue volunteer (it must have been his spotless attire and the immaculate grooming of his eyebrows), and after one of his dogs vomited in the kitchen –  he had cleaned the floor so meticulously I could have thrown the food from my plate and eaten off it. He seemed fairly reserved and during that afternoon we had no lengthy conversation between us, although I sensed he was watching me rather closely… especially my interaction with the dogs, as they tend to be my escape from boring, group socializing and forced small talk. I honestly never gave him much thought thereafter other than seeing he had clicked ‘like’ on some of my FB content. We had had little contact with each other other than sharing/commenting on various rescue endeavours and dogs up for adoption. Generally metrosexual men are intimidating and high maintenance – and anyways, what would a former bodybuilder want with my squishy butt and chunky thighs ?

Wouldn’t he prefer chicks like my former classmate Missy Coates, better?

Regardless, I replied to his ambiguous -“Oh my god Cakes”

“I hope that’s positive!”

“Very positive… I like you… a lot.”

“Really? That’s a surprise.”

“You’re really attractive.”

The Mental Recap
Good-looking: bonus
Single: bonus

REALLY nice arms: bonus
Selfless volunteer for the good of canine welfare in the zone: bonus

Can always grow back over-groomed eyebrows: bonus

Then came my disclaimer…

“Really? You know I am really quite different than  Italian women, and the men generally think of me as pretty strange. I think my values and beliefs on what is important – are generally different, therefore all this doesn’t make for a budding social life! But at least I have the dogs and they are great company and it’s nice to stay home with them and relax. If one day you’re in this area, if you  want, come visit us. Here’s my cel as my internet access is limited at the moment… 346-xxx-xxxx.”

I won’t be hanging around in the hood with THEM.

Atlas: “Don’t worry I wouldn’t judge someone without knowing them better first and I would like to know you better…. and sure, hopefully we can meet up soon.”

The next day began a series of FB messages…
I shall omit  several profound references to my eyes and a tidal-wave of compliments along with creating  mental images that could potentially melt my devices like low-fat margerine. For the moment I stand armoured, defense systems activated. I know exactly how the Italian men work, but damn he is GOOD.

Excuse me? You were saying…?

“Cakes… like yourself, I also love dogs. I like your gentle demeanor and shyness and your way to look at life and the world… and you have excellent taste. You are original. You’re also seem very precise in everything you do. I can’t deny I am not attracted to you and that I find you exciting. I may be shy but very I’m warm and passionate. I respect you as a person, and desire you as a woman, but you are not an object. I hope my words don’t offend or upset you, I don’t mean any disrespect.” 

I  agonized on whether or not I should call Franca and get her take on this. I called her last night and she seemed pleased, as she confessed she invited both of us to lunch “to see if anything could come of it.” I mentioned his initial contact and without asking she told me everything I probably would have been to embarassed to ask her in the first place. Telling me he is very intelligent but just slightly rough around the edges, he is open-minded, compassionate/a really good-person (physically nothing to shake a stick at), with a lot of integrity. She said he doesn’t have many friends in the area and that can only be attributed to the fact he is so different than the others in their village (especially the local demographic of MacDaddy Gorillas) around him, and whatever refinement he may lack with respects to  quasi-insignificant social graces, he can easily be fine tuned.

That’s some reference.
Tomorrow we have a date…
Let’s see how he measures up shall we?



About Cakes McCain

Aka. 'Oliver Twist with Furniture and Diamonds' Ex-pat, lunatic, survivor - A Bridget Jones/Shirley Valentine hybrid, epically flawed, neurotic literary ‘dirty apple’ with a penchant for broad shoulders, epic orgasms, & lazy Sunday mornings eating cake in bed. Almost always broken-hearted, forever analysing everything to a bloody pulp and eternally obessing over 'Pasta for One - The Manuscript' a chick-lit memoir about living single in fabulous Italy, while trying not to throw yourself in front of a speeding bus.
This entry was posted in casual sex, dating, dating rejects, European men, ex boyfriends, Friends with benefits, friendship, guilt, hook-ups, humour, internet dating, Italian life, Italian men, Italy, Italy living, Lies, Life in Italy, Living in Italy, losers, love, MacDaddy, one night stand, online dating, perverts, players, positive thinking, relationships, self examination, sex, single girl, Uncategorized, x-pat, x-pats and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Texts and declarations from left-field

  1. A Dog With Fleas says:

    Sounds like definite potential…..Can’t wait to hear how the date went!! Good luck and have fun. 🙂

  2. Some guys… and (usually the nicer ones) are shy! Next time go out to the water and say hello! He’ll probably take it from there! 🙂 John

    • Cakes McCain says:

      He made me really nervous, I guess when it was happening I didn’t really believe it. 😛 But anyways it the worst meeting new people on the beach… I am already half naked! YIKES!!! LOL!

  3. Phoenix says:

    He sounds like a nice decent guy. Doesn’t have many friends because most other guys he runs into are the typical douchebags that are not worth his time. It sucks when you’re a decent guy, hanging out with douchebag friends. They’ll usually bring you down one way or another.

    I get the feeling CK thinks he is too good for me. Therefore I now sing to the tune of: “la-la-la go find your materialistic, milqutoast, arm-candy Italian princess, I am so over it, la-la-la!”
    –> I think you’re wrong. CK liked you, but he was just too good of a guy to escalate. He probably wanted more time, more dates, and a good emotional connection to gather butterflies in his stomach before making a move. Another nice guy who didn’t want to be bold enough to progress.

    He asked you how the weather was, and something about pancake syrup … I think he’s afraid of you. Liked you enough that he was scared of losing you, which of course, is happening since you’re taking it for rejection and hating him for it.

    “Not long ago I posted a new profile photo on my Facebook page, I also posted the same photo here in a recent post. It was nothing special – just me, no make up, in a 7$ cowboy hat and a pair of sunglasses. Most of my friends ‘liked’ this photo… especially the dudes. It must have been the hat.”
    –> YOU’RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? Did you even see my comment I made on it a few posts earlier? lol I could tell you what’s so so wrong with it but you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway 😛

    • Cakes McCain says:

      I really appreciate your (guy’s) take on this,. CK had ample opportunity, but it seems to me he was just wasting my time. I had given him a friendly open invitation to hang out when he was back in town and even to come by one time when my other friends were over for drinks oin my terrace. I guess I am just looking for someone who will step up and not beat around the bush.
      I did see your comment – so go ahead, tell me what’s wrong with it. I’m all ears.

      • Phoenix says:

        “I guess I am just looking for someone who will step up and not beat around the bush.”
        –> Ya, that’s something I’m currently doing with a girl I want. And I’ve beaten around the bush with the last 2 girls who were very serious about me and lost them when they gave up pursuing me after 8 months. Trust me, I regret it. Those 2 girls were wonderful in many ways and I fucked around and didn’t escalate. I still have them as FB friends, but one got married and the other … well, she keeps distant because she accepted the ‘rejection’ even though I still fantasize a crazy passionate night with her someday. So idk if I can get her back. She turned lesbian 😦

        “I did see your comment – so go ahead, tell me what’s wrong with it. I’m all ears.”
        –> the thing that’s wrong about it, but can be viewed as a good thing, is that the picture reveals skin to the extent of outlining your left melon pretty well. So when any guy views it he thinks dirty shit already lol. That’s what Atlas did, in his “OMG Cakes” response. He thinks you’re sexy and you got his attention.

        “Oh my god Cakes I just got a boner looking at that photo! (Yeah right!)”
        –> Bingo! HE PROBABLY DID. I think you look down upon yourself too much and have confidence issues. That’s where this negative doubt possibly stems from.

      • Cakes McCain says:

        Thanks. (I didn’t think it was that obvious, good to know) I do have a problem comprehending behaviour from men because a lot of the time I don’t really see myself in any light other than the fact I’m rather average (but do clean up fairly well sometimes). I used to say “I don’t know if a guy is interested in me until he is on top of me” it’s really dumb, but true. There is a confident side to me but it has to do more with my brain – personality/creativity/intellect than anything else. cheers!

  4. V.V. Wolf says:

    Most of them really are toads….but some with really prime beef asses it’s true! Was behind a while, but catching up on reading…can’t wait for the next part….and hey, at least you’re still blogging…..my last entry?

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