Going from HOT to NOT

Have I lost all sense of judgement?
Have I  just been at this online dating way too long?
Will I end up like Margot Kidder?…
Single, disoriented and mumbling incoherently in a wood pile?

Time will tell…
The wood pile or bust.

Sometimes you have to let it slide
(My Grandparents pictured here)

Yesterday I was dissed by a Canadian homeboy I have had an email exchange with for almost a month. Go figure, one of whom I THOUGHT was one of the coolest, most easy going guys I never met.  The Lumberjack-Surfer, an ‘Outdoorsman’ no less (and a surfer). He had mentioned initially during one of  our first conversations that he was striving for the near future to live a sustainable rural lifestyle which included: Solar power, living off the land, and fishing. However he topped it off with the dirty ‘H’ word. I mentioned I wasn’t big on hunting, even though my father was a hunter (and also both grandparents back in the day). In response The LS essentially came back all chilled with: “Yeah sure, whatever, I can take it or leave it.” Of course that was until he mentioned feeling a little guilty over going on a surfing holiday instead of more practical purchases ie. truck parts and a rifle a few days ago.

 CM: “You deserve a holiday after all those hours you put in, enjoy! You may already know what I would say about the rifle deal. ie. Why cause suffering and kill a healthy, peaceful creature?… it’s such an unfair advantage… it’s not a sport!…. Could you kill it after you looked in it’s eyes from 2 feet away?… but that’s just me. I was 9 years old when I started thinking this way and starting tripping my brother’s snare wire after I saw my father kill a live rabbit by hitting it over the head with the dull side of an axe after I begged him to set it free. I got really affected from that. Sorry, I’m quasi hard-core. But don’t worry I wouldn’t spray paint your shoes or picket outside your house or anything. LOL! “

I tried to be all cool and down play it somewhat. Or maybe I didn’t. (With my own father I can barely tolerate it.)  But fact of the matter is it’s something I feel is really wrong. We are not indigenous people running around in buckskins in the brutal Canadian Wilderness wearing moccasins, chasing our next meal on foot, and fighting for survival. We have indoor plumbing, live in insulated heated homes, and have access to 24-hour supermarkets, and fast-food home-delivery. Unless those animals can be provided with opposable thumbs, guns and ammo, I feel the whole modern concept of hunting is bullshit and if I had to see my partner walking into the home we share, holding dead anything, or with some animal carcass covered in blood and slumped in the back of a pick-up truck parked in our driveway, and knowing he was responsible… Yours truly would seriously come unglued.

Can you say “DEAL-BREAKER”
It’s just really, really sad and not ok.

In a momentary loss of sanity –  I felt bad about what I had written, because after I got his response that included: “Being worlds apart, and coming form the North”  – I knew it was a blow off. Only a few days before he was calling me giving me compliments and calling me cute, hot etc.

Bring on that sinking feeling.

This time it was ME getting rejected…

Hey wait! I am from the North too!
(So is every Canadian!)
So f’cking what?!

In my own defense I wasn’t trying to take a holier-than-thou stance, I have never claimed to be a perfect vegetarian, vegan or hardcore activist for animal rights, and I try not to engage in selective compassion. It simply pains me deeply to see any living creature suffer and/or die needlessly at the hands of ignorant, apathetic human beings. Any small contributions I make by my support or non-support of certain issues, and boycotting most animal goods  – are at least something, and just that – a small contribution.

After just reading Marry Him: The Case For Settling for Mr. Good Enough and again re-assessing (scaling down) my already reasonable criteria for potential partners, I had to ask myself… “Could I really flex on my ideals/beliefs, and accept this and be in a relationship with someone who would cause suffering or death to a living creature?”

The real answer? NO…
So go ahead and shoot me for being honest.

… and don’t f’cking compromise.


About Cakes McCain

Aka. 'Oliver Twist with Furniture and Diamonds' Ex-pat, lunatic, survivor - A Bridget Jones/Shirley Valentine hybrid, epically flawed, neurotic literary ‘dirty apple’ with a penchant for broad shoulders, epic orgasms, & lazy Sunday mornings eating cake in bed. Almost always broken-hearted, forever analysing everything to a bloody pulp and eternally obessing over 'Pasta for One - The Manuscript' a chick-lit memoir about living single in fabulous Italy, while trying not to throw yourself in front of a speeding bus.
This entry was posted in affirmations, dating rejects, depression, friendship, grieving, guilt, guy's opinion, hook-ups, humour, internet dating, Italian life, Italy living, Lies, Life in Italy, losers, lost love, love, online dating, players, positive thinking, relationships, self examination, self help, self loathing, sex, single girl, social misfit, trust, Uncategorized, web dating and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Going from HOT to NOT

  1. LJ says:

    My dad was a hunter, too. He would hang the deer carcasses on my swingset to butcher them. I thought it was horrible. He liked the hunt. I live in hunting territory. It’s a big deal up here. I know a lot of hunters. Hunting plays a role in the maintenance of wildlife populations particularly deer. You brought up a very good point. While we are not living in a time when we are running wild trying to survive, certain animal populations can grow too large in certain areas. The DNR then has to step in and “thin” the populations by killing them because their natural predation has dropped–low predation of all kinds. The wolf population in our state has dropped as has the cougar. Animals will just simply begin to die, diseases will spread, etc, when populations become too large, and car accidents will abound on the interstates where deer are concerned. This was a big problem in Princeton, NJ back in the 90s due to the No Hunting policy. They became overrun, and I, in fact, almost died in a car accident hitting a deer driving through there. Completely totaled my car. For certain animal species, Native Americans are still allowed to use traditional hunting techniques. This helps keep animal populations at a healthy level as well as maintain the cultural bonds of the peoples practicing these techniques. I am not an advocate of “sport hunting” where people run off to Africa and pick off the big game just for the helluva it, and there does seem to be something that feels “off” about men who kill animals for the glory of it. But, it is undeniable that hunting serves a role in the maintenance of species populations, curbs the spread of disease, and, if the hunters eat what they kill while serving a greater purpose and doing it respectfully, then it’s a win-win. It’s important, in this case, not to engage in all-or-nothing thinking because it is and can be purposeful just as it can be unethical.

  2. SweetBabyJ says:

    Love this post! Don’t effing compromise… it’s so unladylike. HA!

  3. SillyG says:

    I have major problems with hunting for sport and want to say that to the Americans I see in our airport heading north for a moose or bear hunt. Brutal. I never have a problem with those who hunt for meat and hides…. Its a way more honest and less cruel way to eat meat than the way the majority of our society does. If you don’t have the balls to kill an animal and the stomach to skin and clean it then there’s a problem. Instead we blindly eat meat where animals are cruely handled and processed in the factory stream. To me that is the way more disrespectful to an animal than ethical hunting is.

  4. nikkix2 says:

    F him girl,,,,there’s tons more fish or cute little cuddly bears in our big Canadian Wilderness!

  5. abbynflicker says:

    There’s no point in compromising over something that’s important to you… I have a really bad habit where I act all spineless if I really like the guy and it usually ends with me standing wooden with a frozen grin on my face at a metal concert thinking why didn’t I just say I hate this music and trust him to like me anyway? Grrr…. And really, I think YOU rejected HIM by being unwilling to smile and nod here!

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