Don’t Knock The Golden Cock

My creamiest and most colossal gratitude goes out to the fabulous and ‘vagina-envy’ worthy Kat at SnarkySnatch for the bestowment upon yours truly, of her very own creation…

It ain’t no yellow rooster folks…
And I thank the powers that be that she is not handing out complimentary golden showers instead.
In her own words: “What about the little people of the WordPress world? You know, those that don’t have the same massive following of depraved readership I do, don’t they deserve a spotlight to bask in?”

Yeaaah! (That would be me)

Important Toronto Law Firm’s Halloween party 2001
Where’s Cakes?
You peeps have got one guess…

About the Golden Cock…

“This honor will be bestowed upon those most worthy of bold blogging excellence. In other words, those that have JAGUNDA Elephant Size Gonads. Recipients of this award must show a boldness in their writing style that sets them apart from other bloggers.”

To accept this dubious honor comply with the following requirements:

Practice makes perfect

According to it’s creator: “First, you will need a turkey baster, spatula, and hamster, accompanied by a consenting adult. Note: a snapping turtle may be substituted for the hamster. Thank the person that bestowed this award upon you by erecting a statue of them in their preferred likeness, in your front yard…”

Kat, I promise, as soon as I get a front lawn…

OR…

You can thank them on your blog along with answering a few of the following questions.

1. Penis Envy: There are many penises in the world, and not all of them are on Fox News. If you could be any penis in the world, whose petered pecker would you pick? (And why).

My next boyfriend’s, because he is gonna be one smiley, happy muthafucka. Is that some kind of narcissistic self-love or what?

2. If your penis or vagina could talk, what little story would they want to share about your sex/dating life.

In most cases I am an equal opportunity vagina. If you don’t act like a douchebag  you have a good personality and I like you well enough to sleep with you after a few dates, I won’t discriminate over the length, girth, colour, cut, or uncut status of your penis but….

If we end up getting busy with the lights on and you come at me with anything even remotely resembling the following  (even if those bumps are benign), and smelling like a community pool…

All bets are off.

Although these penile specimens are very few and far between (yes, I have been witness), they do exist and  should justifiably be kept in formaldehyde filled jars stored in freak museums, or on tour in carnival side-shows across the continental USA.

However on a more humanitarian note: If you are aware that you have such a member, for goodness sake have some common decency, excercise some sexual ettiquette, ie. turn out the lights and hang one of these from your scrotum. Just sayin.’

3. Lastly, if you are lucky enough to have this award bestowed upon you, nominate 5-10 noteworthy bloggers that will continue the tradition.

As always… breaking the rules a little I wish to nominate the following 2 blogs…

I make it no secret how much I adore Alice’s blog: The Story of Alice . Alice colours the world vivid, and rides her sublime carousel with a cast of modern-versions of characters who could have only been hand-picked from 1920′s Paris, Diane Arbus photographs, or Studio 54. I picture her looking as though she escaped from a black and white Helmut Newton photograph.

However in addition to passing on this award to her I would also like to bestow this award on to one of the fore mentioned, and very fine writer in his own right: John at THEPENISMIGHTIERTHAN.

Cheers and l love to them, and to all of you the my lovely readers that continue to read of my chronic neurosis in the dating world.

Keep on blogging. xox