Time to celebrate this week’s ‘WTF Online-Dating Profile!’

Here we go again…

As I have recently arrived back in the Canadian home-zone I felt it only fair I finally pay some local Toronto homeboys homage for putting themselves out there in the online-dating world…

Other than noting the following profile’s gross abuse and misuse of caps, punctuation, and the fact the writer’s grammar and spelling are atrocious, I have decided to keep my comments to a relative minimum, and merely note impartial observations…

However I would like to hereby challenge my beloved readers to a game of…
‘SPOT THE DEALBREAKERS!’

Therefore without further adieu I give you this week’s: ‘WTF Online-Dating Profile Award’ to whom I have bestowed upon the following Canadian gent, who’s stellar dating profile prompted me to ponder the genetic possibility of fish actually growing opposable thumbs.

Warning: In order not to exhaust my spellcheck, the following profile has NOT been edited.
Reader discretion is advised.

I AM A **GORGEOUS HOTTIE** AND AS THE SONG GOES I AM SIMPLY THE BEST *** BETTER THEN ALL THE REST***

SCOTTIE is here. Throw all the other fish back I am the greatest SEXY CATCH in the sea.

‘Ultimate’ and ‘might’ are indeed strong words…

Do I detect a fondness for arts/culture?

MY ULTIMATE hope is to one day go to a SYMPHONY IN VANCOUVER WITH THE ONE I MIGHT LOVE and show her the city.

A lover of fine cuisine…

My favourite food is BBQ CHICKEN WINGS

Let me be your Wing Man.

Chronically single with extended-family values and favours ‘too getherness’…

I have never been married and have no kids of my own but i am an uncle to 6 great kids

*I GOT INTEGRITY AND honesty and am romantic too a fault ** i enjoy sitting by my fire place on a coold day with the one i love relaxing feeling soo relaxed ** the heat just has a way of bringing two people closer too gether

-music* phil collins* pointer sisters * chubby checker* marvin gaye* plus many other oldies as well * i believe oldie CLASSIC music brings out the best in a MUSIC lover

Suck it Mozart

Gainfully employed and ‘Dishwasher Safe’

I work in a restaurant as a DISH WASHER **(SANITIZER ENGINEER)**

Harbours a passion for film and in particular  this cinematic masterpiece:

Favourite movie is NATIONAL LAMPOONS CHRISTMAS VACATION
SHITTER WAS FULL….. aahhh … did you check our shitters honey….

family IS *VERY* IMPORTANT TO ME

Who wouldn’t love the The Griswold Family?

  I HAVE A ***NEW*** FOUND RESPECT FOR GHOSTS AND ORCHESTRA MUSIC.

Together or separately?

I have a twisted yet great sence of humour & i have always thought of my self as the 4TH stooge SOO I love the 3 stooges* I like the big bang theroy but i am not looking for COITUS* i like two and a half men but i am not a player like CHARLIE HARPER * I like the simpsons *DOH* but i am not a BIIG ned flanders fan *DIDLY* (12)** I love hockey the WINNIPEG JETS are my number ### 1 team also the calgary flames and edmonton oilers ** THE LONDON KNIGHTS** also My DREAM vehicle is a 2012 CHEVY AVALANCHE IN A NIIICE LOOKING WHITE

In ‘Summit’ white perhaps?

I WOULD RATHER PLAY NAKED TWISTER WITH THE GOLDEN GIRLS THEN NOT FIND LOVE…

Believe me no one wants to play naked twister with the golden girls.

Really? …
Who says?

Yeah, I’m back peeps…
And this is a whole other zone.

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About Cakes McCain

Aka. 'Oliver Twist with Furniture and Diamonds' Ex-pat, lunatic, survivor - A Bridget Jones/Shirley Valentine hybrid, epically flawed, neurotic literary ‘dirty apple’ with a penchant for broad shoulders, epic orgasms, & lazy Sunday mornings eating cake in bed. Almost always broken-hearted, forever analysing everything to a bloody pulp and eternally obessing over 'Pasta for One - The Manuscript' a chick-lit memoir about living single in fabulous Italy, while trying not to throw yourself in front of a speeding bus.
This entry was posted in dating, dating rejects, friendship, hook-ups, humour, internet dating, losers, love, online dating, players, relationships, single girl, social misfit, Uncategorized, web dating and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Time to celebrate this week’s ‘WTF Online-Dating Profile!’

  1. HAHAHAHAAH. omG!!. Cakes! Come on, this is GOLD! I actually burst out laughing out loud. I’m sure these guys were jokingly trying to be ironic…right? Surely the prospects can’t be this bad? You have to give the award to Golden Boy though. And the guy that likes bbq chicken wings. Think how easy it will be to cook for him. Didn`t you miss all this Canadian charm when you were gone?

  2. John Michael Ricci says:

    LOL, there are so many things wrong with that I can’t point any one out! (Except maybe the random use of asterisks) You should write a book about online dating and include a worst of the worst section. That would be hysterical.***

  3. SweetBabyJ says:

    HA! Gotta love it. This material just writes itself. I wonder if he drives a crappy blue Fiat while he aspires to a drive a white Chevy Avalanche. So… did you contact him?

  4. nikkix2 says:

    Yaayyyyy,,Welcome Back we kept the best on ice here for ya!

  5. A Dog With Fleas says:

    This is classic!! Look at what you have to look forward too. Would love to go out with him just to actually see what he is like! And welcome home too.

  6. The Hook says:

    You have mad, dark skills, young lady! I love it!

  7. snarkysnatch says:

    Sadly, I may be returning to that rancid boil known as online dating. Things are a bit dicey with Dman so we will see what magic I can pull out of my snatch in coming days. I absolutely love your fire hydrant promo card. If there is ever to be a survivors group for OK Cupiders, I hope they come to you for marketing advice. Great post Cakes!

    • Cakes McCain says:

      Thanks! I’m so sorry about Dman. I really had high hopes for him. I don’t know the details of your situation but overall maybe these dudes just can’t deal with the ‘persona.’ I am sure I’ll be reporting my findings soon as well. Hang in there and keep the home-snatch burning baby! xox

  8. I’m so glad you are back! I squealed with delight when I read this! Okay and I really hope that this guy’s love of ghosts and orchestras is combined! Because otherwise that is weird and far less intersting. It sounds like Canada is going to be so fun! DOH!

  9. MJ says:

    Oh come on now….Who doesn’t like a nice warm fire with Chubby Checkers playin’ in the background, a big ol’ plate of wings, “Vacation” and the bumbling Clark Griswold on the tele…being caressed by dishpan hands…Be still my beating heart!

    So glad to have you back. xoxo

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