I knew this day would come…
Dislaimer/note to self: This may very well be one of your infamous ‘That Time of the Month’ rants. Permission is granted to forgive yourself later just in case, sans embarassment and mortification. If not the case… You’re really, supremely f’cked.
What have I done? Maybe I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I gave away most of what I own. Maybe would I have been better off in my Oliver Twist broke-ass bohemian life, chronically-single scouring for change in every coat pocket, in the humid mediterranean winter standing in my apartment infront of a portable gas heater all season like a rotisserie chicken, having barely any work, screaming to everone that would listen of the reality of infantile Italian-douchebags with Madonna-whore complexes driving crappy blue Fiats, and complaining of just about everything else… As opposed to living in limbo, under my own quasi-voluntary exile in this slate-grey, freezing f’ing cold winter-wonderland shithole, while watching my face slowly dry up like a raisin.
I can’t win.
This photo is depressing…
I pretend to most like everything is fine, that I’m ok. I’m not really ok. I don’t fit in here with this rural numb-skulled red-neck population. The last straw being a comment made from someone whom I had thought had a few braincells to rub together, and who mentioned they’d want to take up hunting. SHE said: “It might be fun.” Yee-haw, loading a firearm and killing a defenseless animal sounds like a real hootenany. Don’t these people have any conscience?
Last night, to divert my utter misery, I ventured alone to see the new Bond flick. As I sat alone in the theatre, it took every iota of self-control not to start sobbing in my seat. Then later the same during the proverbial ‘longest ride home in history’ along an endless snowy highway (a scene reminicent of The Shining), and wishing I could throw my self from this moving vehicle. (OK maybe not exactly THAT).
Sprinkle that with the guilt over a family member with stage 4 cancer, and here I am feeling sorry for myself, as I can’t see past today, and today is just as much a waste of time as yesterday, and quality time is but an oxy moron.
There is no place like home?
Where the f’ck is home?