Valentines Day: Countdown to a NON-holiday!

“I want love to walk right up and bite me,
grab a hold of me and fight me,
leave me dying on the ground…
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.”

Cakes McCain:certified LOVE junkie.

Cakes McCain:
Certified LOVE Junkie.

Yeah right, who am I kidding?

Photo by TwoWings

When he doesn’t care enough to give his very best.

It’s that time again. It is no wonder I should get an ‘S’ branded on my forehead to signify the fact I am single, and act as a warning to ‘the masses’ that they should read lightly and not go over the top in my presence over this holiday that starts with the letter ‘V,’ (any holiday for that matter), or brandish any gratuitous ‘pity face’ for my sole benefit.

Can we really even call ‘Valentine’s Day’ a holiday? Banks are open, and it’s not like anyone gets the day off work.

Of course, as the time approaches I am squirming a little yet again. Rolling my eyes at the entire aisles in shops dedicated to this particular non-holiday and the unwelcome reminder that  in the past I haven’t exactly had the greatest track record with this particular celebration, as the last time I attempted to gift someone a token of my affection, just stood there like a stumped game-show contestant, poked at the goods, offered them back to me, rendering me crushed and feeling like a ginormous ass. Needless to say the cheap bastard was my boyfriend at the time, and he never gave me anything other than a text message greeting, and fore mentioned dose of humiliation at my thoughtful gesture.

fhAnd this year? Well, there is at least one specimen of the male gender walking this planet that remains to be quite fond of yours truly. One whom has admitted such in no uncertain terms (on occasion accompanied by the word ‘awesome’), thus far he has respected my privacy and NOT read this blog, despite knowing it’s title and my ‘nome di plume.’ As an added bonus – he is not an ex that has recently crawled out from under a rock. However, at this juncture it would be awkward to make any-sized deal out of this quasi-holiday, and at least for me it’s enough to know that after maintaining almost daily contact in some one-dimensional form for over 5 months, he is finally getting on a plane in 6 weeks and flying over the ocean to meet me in the big city in order  to spend a few days in each other’s company and get better acquainted. A gesture of epic scale, one might think.

So despite V Day’s over-inflated importance due to its grand contribution to massive consumerism, from here forth I shall turn the other cheek and avoid the garishness of the masses’ collective ideas on real LOVE (and tokens of such), and look forward to bigger and more important events in the near future.

And if by some chance all were to fail, and my plans were to be reduced to a metaphorically dented and discarded heart-shaped box full of stale,
crushed chocolate candy? 

I could always wander the streets handing out bags of these,
or simply throw them piece by piece at single men…
(If I don’t eat them all myself first.)


Let the countdown begin.


About Cakes McCain

Aka. 'Oliver Twist with Furniture and Diamonds' Ex-pat, lunatic, survivor - A Bridget Jones/Shirley Valentine hybrid, epically flawed, neurotic literary ‘dirty apple’ with a penchant for broad shoulders, epic orgasms, & lazy Sunday mornings eating cake in bed. Almost always broken-hearted, forever analysing everything to a bloody pulp and eternally obessing over 'Pasta for One - The Manuscript' a chick-lit memoir about living single in fabulous Italy, while trying not to throw yourself in front of a speeding bus.
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15 Responses to Valentines Day: Countdown to a NON-holiday!

  1. MJ says:

    OOOOOH! I’m so excited to hear what happens…or maybe we won’t hear what happens, but I’m still excited…

    • Cakes McCain says:

      You know I won’t leave you in suspense. 😉 I’ll report back with the highlights, but in the meantime (44 days), I have to get this face looking presentable ie. letting my skimpy eyebrows grow back and get a damn haircut (it’s been 7 months). I’m not up to standard YET. 😀

  2. SillyG says:

    What the heck! You fly home and hook up with a guy overseas! How ironic Cakes 🙂

    • Cakes McCain says:

      I know eh? But the reality is my days are numbered. Not likely I’ll be sticking around. Got nothing going for me here. Chances are I’ll be overseas and back on the road soon enough and searching for a new home.

      • SillyG says:

        I was thinking about you… have you ever done any reading into the culture shock cycle on the return home side.

      • Cakes McCain says:

        Not really. I didn’t know there was a cycle, frustration for sure. These days just regular contact with a friend/sounding board that is now back and living in Ottawa and going through the same thing. I never would have imagined I changed this much. But the world awaits once again, and as soon as I am able to go…

  3. The Hook says:

    Good luck!
    I’ll send you a virtual hug…

  4. All the best to you and your maybe furture possibly intended beau! Make sure you let us all know what happens…will this be the first time you meet in PERSON???

  5. Veggiewitch says:

    I heard once that a person who is jaded about love is a frustrated romantic. I feel you, my sister from another mister. ♥

    Loads of love and huggles!

    VW ♥

  6. Pingback: If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet? Happy Fucking Valentines Day! A Snarky Snatch Survival Guide For This Most Holiest Hallmarkian Holiday | snarkysnatch

  7. Pingback: Valentine’s Day… A Time To Slather Ice Cream Sundae Sauce On The Crotch Of Someone You Love | snarkysnatch

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