Due to ingesting the ‘Mules’ from the night before, I woke up Saturday morning with a slight headache, along with a side of ‘WTF?’ Specifically over why I had seemingly been banished to ‘The Friend Zone’ which incidentally – royally sucked. I just didn’t get it. Did I not render well enough in real life? Was I just some flake?
Despite my stress over said questions, at the time I felt a small sense of comfort over the fact that my friend Wayne would be joining Sir English and I at the museum in a short while. I felt I would surely be able to loosen up, as Wayne was a great conversationalist and ‘knower of everything’ and could surely pick up the slack if banter began to lag.
After we had concluded all introductions, the 3 of us wandered through out the halls of the museum and as always, Wayne was exuberant, full of energy, and by no surprise – seemed to know the museum inside out. When he and I found ourselves alone for a few moments he inquisitively asked…
W: So, how do you guys know each other?
CM: Believe it or not, we met online like 7 months ago.
W: That is why he came to Toronto? You mean this is the first time you are meeting him?
CM: Pretty much, he’s been here since Thursday. But he doesn’t like me.
CM: I have no idea. He hasn’t really made any sort of move or anything.
W: Nothing at all?
CM: No. Nothing.
W: Maybe he is just a reserved guy.
Wayne also guided us all around the downtown core where we spent an amazing afternoon drinking organic Sake, and designer hot chocolate. He was my silver lining/distraction from the blanket of rejection I was felt I was suffering at the time, and I couldn’t have asked for a better buffer.
SE: This has been really fantastic, when you come over to The UK I’ll be doing the same for you.
What does that mean? Is he serious? Does he still want to take me to the all the places on tentative ‘list’ we made months ago for my visit to the UK in a couple of months? Is he just being polite?
We eventually parted with Wayne near his downtown condo in order to catch the ferry for the Toronto Island, so Sir English could do some night shots of the city skyline, and me there for company. As we hadn’t eaten since the morning we set off to see if we could find a small cafe to get something to eat.
SE: We haven’t had anything to eat since this afternoon, not counting the hot chocolate then the Sake. My mother may not like you if she doesn’t think you’re taking care of me.
CM: Well, we can’t have that. Hey, I cooked last night remember?
SE: Right you did! And it was awesome by the way!
That was weird.
After walking several miles we were aghast to find there was nothing open on the Island. Not a snack bar, or even a vending machine – and it was cold. VERY cold. We had already been walking over an hour and still it wasn’t dark enough for him to take the night shots he wanted. It would be another hour at least. I wasn’t exactly dressed for freezing temperature and by that time, I could have cared less about eating, and couldn’t help but wonder how cold I had to get before hypothermia set in, or gangrene and the subsequent falling off of all my appendages.
CM: Look, I’m generally really durable, but I’m maxed. I don’t think I can wait it out. II never thought it would even be this cold at this time of year. Plus I figured I have back to the house at some point to put on some warmer clothes. Sorry. You can do what you need to do. It’s cool – we can meet up in the morning. OK?
He walked me back to the port where we sat in a small shelter with no heat.
However there were 2 pianos…
Great, we can dance and sing show tunes to stay warm.
He was genuinely concerned as I sat there shivering, my teeth chattering – thus putting his arm around me and trying to keep me warm. Yes… body contact, good excuse, prime opportunity here… come on, make a move… DO SOMETHING!!!
Here comes the ferry.
Exhausted, I thought to myself…
“Was all this writing back and forth for 7 months all in vain? Am I just a filler between his portfolio-building photography? Or have I been treated like a piece of meat for so long by other men that I have no idea when one is actually taking it slow and being respectful, as opposed to being a douche-bag? I like him. He is smart and nice, and has really good manners. This is nuts. I have got one last full day, to figure this out. I really need help. I need an expert opinion. I need to ask someone who knows about these things and has experience with the English boys…
I need Alice.”