I had plenty of friends I could have asked for relationship advice. However most of them seem to have their own set of issues. If they are single they are about as confused and jaded as I am, and the others who are married are wishing they could wave a magic wand and make their significant other, disappear. I knew there had to be someone who fit my criteria: in a functional relationship with a great sex-life, smart, sane, intuitive, and has the inside scoop on English boys…
I wasted no time in sending her an email and after I had explained the background of my situation, I got straight to the point…
CM: I think I may be in the ‘friend zone.’ He didn’t kiss me (only on the cheek) and he’s been here almost 3 days. I can’t win. Ever. This is so fucking depressing.
A: Oh no… But he is British and they are known for taking their sweet time. I know it’s a crazy idea, but why don’t you ask? Or, even better, do the hand trick or otherwise make the first move in a way that will make him think that he did it?
CM: The hand trick? What, like grab his hand?
I am such a disaster. You would think i’d have this figured out by now. I always say I never know if a guy likes me unless he is on top of me. How bad is that? I get all these younger handsome guys hit on me and it’s so easy, but when it comes to someone closer to my own age, a normal guy with substance that isn’t all over me – I’m intimidated and have no idea how to act. I have always waited for the guy to make the first move. I guess I’ll have to see what happens today. He leaves tomorrow evening.
A: Hold his hand, inch closer to him, make eye contact and wait (or make some other ‘accidental’ body contact – go dancing or something). Chances are he’s as shy and terrified of rejection as you are, especially if he likes you… or maybe he’s just trying to be a gentleman, especially if you told him horror stories of unwanted male attention from your adventures in Italy.
Remember my first meeting with John, when I tried to tell him I enjoyed his company and he mistakenly understood that I liked his band? Or how he disappeared for a while because he couldn’t understand how a girl like me was interested in him? So things are not always what they seem and boys can be a little dense.
Good luck with figuring things out! Have fun anyway! xx
CM: That’s great advice tx. I’ll try. xox
A: You’re very welcome, I hope it helps! What do you have planned for today?
CM: Brunch, meeting him probably in 90 min. I’m feeling really freaked – I woke up a short time ago after a really bad nightmare. He was in it. I dreamt a former gf of mine stabbed him. So crazy. I really need to calm down.
A: Dreams are just silly sometimes and they don’t mean anything! My scientific explanation for yours is that is just an expression of your general anxiety and you shouldn’t read anything into it.
What are you afraid of? Wait, you don’t have to go into it if you’re in a hurry. Just remember that he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t like you A LOT and that he’s probably freaking out as well (and he knows the stakes are high). I bet he knows that you expect him to make a move and he finds it scary… there’s so much pressure on guys! So turn up the dial on encouraging body signals (smile, brush against him, make lingering eye contact).. You can do it!! xx You’re a rock star!!
CM: You’re the best! I am afraid of rejection and being told – “I really like you but I don’t think of you in that way, lets stay friends,” or just having him feel I wasn’t what he expected or projected. Last night I tried a little with him – Although it was totally authentic as I was out in the cold a long time and was REALLY shivering. He put his arm around and was trying to warm me up while I was waiting for the island ferry to go back to the city/home. I stayed as long as I could, but he stayed to get some night shots of the city. Mixed messages. I got an email from him later saying he was happy I got home ok and had been worried about me.
A: He sounds like a really nice guy! Good luck!
CM: Thanks! (It’s the nice ones I need practice with!)
After a fabulous brunch, an extended meet-up with an artist friend in a cafe, more art gallery explorations, and futile attempt a browsing through a downtown Antique market that no longer exists, we found ourselves wondering back in the hood and about to pass the cities best cake shop…
CM: Hey, how about some cake? That’s the place I told you about, I had put it on our ‘list.’ It’s the best in the city!
SE: Sure, let’s go.
CM: Let’s take these seats here near the window. It’s pretty busy in here. How about you stay here so we don’t lose these seats, I’ll go have a look, then come back, then you can go up and place the order. Cool?
SE: Sounds good.
CM: There is some annoying woman up there that can’t decide, I mean it’s not rocket science – it’s cake. So from what I could see – there is this really rich, chocolatey one, I’m up for that. So go and have a look.
This is what he came back with…
Was it a sugar high or a stampede of endorphins? What ever it was it had the same effect on both of us. We concurred it was probably the best cake either of us had ever had, and as we sat there painted in dumb grins, in a chocolate-cake hazy state of drunken euphoria, and staring at each other from inches away, I immediately remembered Alice’s words: “lingering eye contact… make the move… you’re a rock star.”
Damn right I am!
So, I did…
One kiss, one long second, in the window, after cake…
Pause… Then another, and another, and another…
CM: Well… now that we have that out of the way. Btw, it took you long enough – Wait, that was me.
SE: That was SOME cake. I’m glad you did that.
CM: Me too.
SE: I think I’ll have more…