Author Archives: Cakes McCain

About Cakes McCain

Aka. 'Oliver Twist with Furniture and Diamonds' Ex-pat, lunatic, survivor - A Bridget Jones/Shirley Valentine hybrid, epically flawed, neurotic literary ‘dirty apple’ with a penchant for broad shoulders, epic orgasms, & lazy Sunday mornings eating cake in bed. Almost always broken-hearted, forever analysing everything to a bloody pulp and eternally obessing over 'Pasta for One - The Manuscript' a chick-lit memoir about living single in fabulous Italy, while trying not to throw yourself in front of a speeding bus.

Middle-aged & Angry: Things I’d say on social media if I was an a**hole.

I wouldn’t actually say these things as I’m not THAT MUCH of an asshole and because I only just think them. I’m merely a middle-aged, unemployed professional with a hell of a lot of repressed anger that wants to avoid … Continue reading

Posted in abusive relationships, blog, bloggers, boredom, break up, break-up, depression, diets, ex boyfriends, exes, First love, friendship, guilt, humour, Lies, losers, lost love, love, positive thinking, relationships, self examination, self help, self loathing, social misfit, thanks, Uncategorized, writers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Spy That Loved Thee: Celebrating The Average Femme

 Curious? Guilty. I had to see who she was –  ‘the (ex) wife.’ I dug around/cyber-snooped. I found a photo. A daughter, a husband and a wife… She wasn’t what I expected. She looked sour, bored. Uninspired. He was in … Continue reading

Posted in blog, bloggers, break up, break-up, dating, dating rejects, depression, Eating, European men, ex boyfriends, exes, food, friendship, humour, Italian food, Italian life, Italian media, Italian men, Italy, Italy living, Life in Italy, Living in Italy, losers, lost love, love, relationships, self examination, self help, self loathing, sex, Uncategorized, writers, x-pat, x-pats | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Meltdowns & The Return of Cristianity

Last December, matters had come to a particular blistering head. My toxic emotional-puss finally surfaced via a four-hour session of uncontrollable sobbing. Curled up in the fetal position and mummified in my duvet, the epiphany which should have been no … Continue reading

Posted in break up, break-up, ex boyfriends, exes, First love, friendship, hook-ups, Italian men, Italy, Italy living, Life in Italy, Living in Italy, love, positive thinking, relationships, self examination, self help, self loathing, single girl, social misfit, travel, Uncategorized, x-pat, x-pats | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Q: Are you f’n crazy? A: Yes, I believe that is a distinct possibility.

I said it would never happen, I’d never do it, or even consider it, as I barely escaped with what remained of my sanity. But the truth of the matter is, I’m a sucker for punishment and I miss it like f’ck… Continue reading

Posted in depression, European men, ex boyfriends, exes, humour, Italian life, Italian men, Italy, Italy living, Life in Italy, Living in Italy, lost love, positive thinking, single girl, Uncategorized, writers, x-pat, x-pats | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Bum-Fondling Chair, Gweneth Paltrow & ‘THE MOVE-IN MERGER’

Flashback: November 2014 ‘Roots’ is a scary word. I don’t mean that in a 1977 miniseries’ depiction of African slavery kind-of-way starring the chap from Star Trek The Next Generation. In this instance I haven’t found Kunta Kinte, but I did find a nice … Continue reading

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Un-dead EXs and The Shocking Normality Compared to a Former Existence

Somewhere along my proverbial ‘line’ I all but stopped writing. The critic, aka. ‘my annoying inner Gremlin’ repeating: “What’s the point? You have nothing to say. You have a decent man in your life, you’re not poking holes in your … Continue reading

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Whatever happened to Cakes McCain?

Meet the grand master of procrastination and the poster-girl for lazy. Everyday for weeks (OK, months), I had planned my return to the blogsphere, however I just never got around to it, and felt like for the most part, life was actually too … Continue reading

Posted in dating, dating rejects, European men, hoarding, humour, Italian life, Italian men, Italy, Italy living, Life in Italy, Living in Italy, losers, MacDaddy, perverts, players, relationships, self examination, social misfit, Uncategorized, writers, x-pat, x-pats | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments